I’ve been putting together a sequel to The Prostitution Conversation – Part One, but I keep finding myself hitting a wall. As I wandered down the alleys of sexuality, male and female, paid and unpaid, I scribbled a few things down (I tend to write longhand in cafes) and thought, ‘Hold on. I probably shouldn’t say that in a mainstream blog post with my real name on it.’

Really? Why? It’s not even personal stuff about me, after all.

People are still very, very confused about sex. It’s apparently okay to read about someone being tied up while a violent and horrible crime was being done to them, but if someone admits they were tied up consensually and liked it, cooked-up hysteria reigns, as if a crime of equal horror had been committed. The news is full of prostitution, domestic violence, the oversexualisation of children, the increase in STIs, and the failure of sex education. The dangers and predicaments that sex and sexuality can create are publicly discussed, endlessly, overexcitedly, and without embarrassment. But what about the other realities? Like the good stuff. The fun stuff. You know, the stuff that people think about all the time, even the ones that pretend they don’t. It’s apparently more taboo to discuss all that than the worst excesses of, say, Josef Fritzl.

Of course, lots of people, such as sex educators and bloggers, are doing just that. There’s plenty out there. A current favourite of mine is Quiet Riot Girl. But are you going to find anything in the mainstream media under someone’s real name? After all, remember the headache that Zoe Margolis aka Girl with a One Track Mind got when she was outed in the press? Although the majority of sex writers I know stick to pseudonyms, sometimes, the answer is occasionally yes. Catherine Townsend in the Independent, and other places, is (unless someone wants to correct me) one example. If you’re going to stick your real name on something to do with sex, you’d better be prepared to weather all kinds of labelling. As armour, you can go the media/TV route, like, for example, Tracey Cox. Or the academic/educator/campaigner route, like Dr Petra Boynton.

Anyway, sex writers are one thing. I wonder what would happen if a non-sex writer, an ordinary Joe or Joanna Journo, happened to write an explicit piece about sex in, for example, the Guardian. Could it happen?

Imagine an 800-word account of how much the author loves anal sex, (‘potting the brown’, ‘the train pulling into Colchester’ etc) which they would describe as a much misunderstood activity which is very satisfying when done right, as long as you observe the various health-related gotchas – a bit like collecting wild mushrooms or banger racing. Clearly, whether the author were a man or a woman, gay or straight, would dictate the consistency of foam in the comments. A male journalist might simply be called a rapist or a pig. And I think it would be open season on a straight person even more than if they were gay. If a straight woman were writing, Guardianista feminists (of which more anon) would be down on her like a ton of bricks.

But where does this leave me? Why should I care about blogging something explicit? I have no establishment job to jeopardise. I have written a sex column under my own name, and presented a sex-related radio show, also under my own name. I have written two novels which were kind of explicit in their own way, and a memoir which, while not containing that much sex, was a fairly detailed account of a state of mind in a life of consumption of substances, both legal and not. All under my own name. I’ve also been involved in campaigning and I don’t remember hiding my name then either. (At times, I sometimes wish I had used pseudonyms, to be honest, for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes there is more freedom in anonymity. But there you go, I didn’t.)

But now it’s different. It may be because my past output is already out there like a bunch of unruly children, grown-up now and getting on with their thing. I’ve done it and let it all go, so I’m not bothered. But a blog is realtime, it’s intimate; it’s me talking to you right now.

Oh look, another blog post that starts with a question but provides no answer. Sorry about that.

NIGHT OF THE SENSES AND EROTIC AWARDS 2008

Probably the sexiest event in the world (ErosZine)

The Glastonbury of sex – these are the good people in a gloriously mucky business. (Grayson Perry)

Tuppy Owens and the Night of the Senses are simply the best! Great people, a great cause, and a big love fest not to be missed. (Annie Sprinkle)

Erotic Awards Finals and Night of the Senses
Friday 12th September at Mass and Babalou, Peace Garden, Brixton Hill, London SW2 1JF. 8pm all night. Strict dress code. Tickets £60, or £45 for groups of 5 or more, concessions half price
Nightofthesenses.com

Erotic Awards Exhibition
4th-10th September noon-midnight
Jago Gallery, Bar/Café & Bookstore, 77 Redchurch Street, Hoxton, London E2 7DJ
Erotic-awards.co.uk

Fundraising
The Night of the Senses (now in its 22nd year) and the Erotic Awards are the main fundraisers for the Outsiders Trust, a charity set up by Dr Tuppy Owens in 1979 for disabled people to enjoy sexual pleasure and form relationships. Outsiders.org.uk

The Night Itself

Guests and Erotic Awards Finalists arrive from all over the world. This year we have the Eros Association (whose book Hypocrites initiated the recent protest against the Pope in Sydney) from Australia; artist Brian Horton from LA; Sue Newsome, Tantric sex worker from the West Country; and international film maker Gareth Maxwell Roberts. We have academics such as Belinda Brooks-Gordon, writers such as Stella Black and politicians such as Lord Richard Faulkner. Guests are 18+, disabled welcome (wheelchair accessible)

The night begins with the announcement of the winners, who are presented with Golden Flying Penis Trophies which have been hand carved in Bali. Then comes the performances on stage – fashion shows, performance art and striptease, a hot show that warms up our guests so they spill out merrily into the maze of pleasure palaces. Every taste is catered for: the Sensuality Chamber where couples make love serenaded by musicians, the Roissy Dungeon, the Infinity Dome, Golden Pond, Massage Garden, Boys’ Back Room, Women’s Womb, Café Shebeen and Grope Box. This year we have added the Novice Avenue, Tantric Cavern, Messy Cake Fights and a Temporary Tattoo Parlour.

At 1am, special guest Empress Stah will present her act ‘The Queen of the Night’ in the Cabaret of the Senses, along with the famous squirting Mouse, ultra-charming black stripper Rumpshaker, and the best erotic performers this country has ever seen.

Night Of The Senses
Erotic Awards
Outsiders
NOTS on Facebook
NOTS blog
Erotic Awards on MySpace

Here’s me on the New Statesman website, writing about pornography.

I forgot to say that I was on Tessa Dunlop’s Late Show on BBC London the week before last, talking about lap dancing. Well, I was supposed to be talking about the newspapers and serious stuff, but due to the fascinating presence of Ellouise Moore, author of Girl in High Heels, we got distracted. Lots of fun as always.

Coming soon – yes, it’s that time of year again – the Erotic Awards……..

The trouble with writing (and broadcasting) about sex is that, once you’ve done it, you’ve crossed a line. No matter how many times you explain that sex isn’t just about, you know, doing it, but also about health, art, psychology, politics, and a thousand other issues, there will always be a suggestive ‘hur hur’ response, even from otherwise educated and well-travelled folks.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, as it’s early in the morning, but I’m sure you get my drift. Plus, there’s nowt wrong with a bit of discretion now and again.